The end of the 30 Days

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeee! We’re back! And what a wonderful time we’ve had! Oh friends, I have SO much to share! But before I start recapping our wonderful NYC trip, I want to acknowledge the end of our 30 days. Yesterday was the last day of this 30 day period. It has been absolutely wonderful (with the brief exception of the whole food poisoning thing, that is, ha!).

us

It has been so wonderful to just stop and breathe. And just be together. To relax together, to play together, to adventure together. It was exactly what we needed. One of the big things we’ve decided during this time is that we really need to make “us time” a higher priority. Because we spend so much time side-by-side in service, doing house projects, or with social life, we forget that we need time for us to hang out alone with no to-do list. Just us. These 30 days have given us an awesome taste of that and we’re not ready to let it go. So here’s our (hopeful) plan. 🙂

Every Day: at least 1 hour of just us time. This should be simple to continue. Even in our crazy busy times, we still made this happen.

Every Week: at least 1 date night. This is what we’ve always tried to do, but it can be easy to sacrifice this night when things come up. We are going to try to prevent losing this night by not filling up every single night of the week.

Every Month: at least 1 full day with no responsibilities or house projects – just fun together. I think this will be the hardest one because these days we will most likely still be here in Memphis and I know how hard it is for us to have free time on our hands and not fill it with house projects (which we love!). We just really need time for fun as well.

Every Quarter: at least 1 weekend together. This actually tends to happen anyway because we travel so much, but we want to make sure that we are intentionally spending at least 4 weekends a year with no responsibilities. We’d like for these weekends to be trips every time because it’s easier to not worry about the to-do list when we’re not home, but if for whatever reason we can’t travel every quarter, we’ll be sure to take a weekend at home for just us.

Every Year: at least 1 week-long trip together. This is another one that should be easy for us simply because we always take a trip for our anniversary every year.

Every Other Year: 30 days together. Last week someone mentioned how great it will be to look back on these 30 days someday. And it made me realize that I don’t want this to be a one time only thing. Christopher and I talked about it and decided that this break would have been so beneficial a couple of years ago when we were facing burnout with a ministry we were involved with. So we decided that we should make it happen at least every other year (and if it happens more than that, then that’s totally okay!)

us

So where do future kids fit into all of this? Well, during future 30 day periods, our kids will be involved in that. I don’t know how practical it will be to continue doing this with teenagers in the house (with multiple busy schedules), but it’s a culture that we want to begin in our family. That we take sabbaticals. A time of rest. A time to be restored. A time away from the busy-ness of life. So this may only continue while we have small kids in the home or it might be something we can continue even as our kids grow up. I don’t know for sure. I just know that this is where we are now. We need to be better about self care and we want to raise our kiddos in an environment where they see that.

As for the rest of it, that’s all us time only. So those date nights and weekends away… just for us. Even after we have kids. I’m not saying that we’ll leave our 2 week old at home while we go on a week long vacation – obviously there will be exceptions, but this is the culture we want to build in our family… before we even have kids. We want our kids to grow up seeing an example of parents who prioritize and care for each other and our marriage. And of course, we’d like to take family vacations as well. So as long as we are able to take a week for just us and a week with the family, we will. If that’s not possible, we can cross that bridge when we get there. This is just the plan for now to help build this culture in our marriage and family. 🙂

This was a big reason that we wanted to take these 30 days. Yes, we needed a break from life, but we also needed to figure out how to make “us” a priority. If we’re bad about filling up our schedule now, then we’re afraid that when we have kids, we will just stay with the status quo and not make time for only us.

us

I make it sound like we never spend time together. We really do. Like I said before, we’re together all the time. We are just together all the time while doing something else. Not a lot of time just to relax or play together. So we’re making strides to correct that. 🙂

I know this was forever long so thanks for sticking with me. People have been asking about how our 30 days has been and I thought this was a good start to answering that question. 🙂 Coming up soon, NYC recap!

 Love Rach

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39 responses to “The end of the 30 Days

  1. I love your plan 🙂 I bet the 30 days was amazing!

  2. Oh I love this and I love the couple goals 🙂 That’s so smart! I would kill to have 30 care free days to spend with Jason. I do need to work on being more carefree, I am always on the go and I need to make us time an even higher priority 🙂 We do weekly date nights but I want to do stuff like you mentioned. A weekend together is pretty attainable and would be AMAZING. Thanks for planting this seed 🙂
    xo, Candace | Lovely Little Rants

  3. This is an amazing idea! Definitely something I want to consider doing if (or maybe when… haha) I get married. I’m so glad you guys had a great time!!

  4. I TOTALLY get this! Honestly, having Brady has been an ‘excuse’ for me and Nate to slow down in a way. Granted, we often get so busy taking care of him that spending quality time together does suffer. 😉 But at the same time, I’m learning to say no’ and to put my little family first, because I just can’t commit to everything like I used to.
    Nate and I are now working harder to make sure we make time for US and that we make date nights a priority.
    I LOVE the idea of the 30 days ‘off’ to spend together. I definitely want to incorporate something like this into our own life!
    Thank you for sharing!! AND I can’t wait to hear ALL about NYC!!!!! 🙂

    • Girl, I have SO much to share from NYC! I finally got one post up today, but there will be many, many, many more to come, haha! I just have too much to say, ha!

      And I am so glad that you have continued to share how you and Nate are living life with a new kiddo. Our marriage always sounded so similar to yours before you had kids so I had been waiting with great anticipation to hear how kids changed things. It has been so good to hear your honest take on things. Both how things have happened easily and how you’ve had to work at it. I look forward to hearing more about your date nights! 🙂

  5. I love these goals and my husband and I actually have very similar goals. I think it is SO important to make time for your marriage, even when you have kids. It is a great example to set for your kids,

  6. “That we take sabbaticals. A time of rest. A time to be restored. A time away from the busy-ness of life.” love your philosophy almost as much as i love the way you love each other 🙂

  7. these 30 days FLEW by!! i’m glad to hear you had a wonderful break.

  8. Love, love, love this, Rach. I am so happy you and Christopher were able to take 30 days to be together without having so much to do! You guys are so smart to build it in the culture of your family before you even have kids (and also to know that it may look different in the future, but also that you will cross that bridge when you get there)! You two will be a wonderful example to your kids and you already are a wonderful example to couples who know you already!

  9. Oh yeah, can’t wait for the NYC recap!

  10. Good for you guys!! I love that you have set these goals. And this: We want our kids to grow up seeing an example of parents who prioritize and care for each other and our marriage. So true!! It’s such an important thing for kids to see.

  11. I love that you were able to do this Rach! Josh and I have tried (and failed) before but we really want to try something like this again. We have so many wonderful friends and family in the DC area but sometimes we just need to be us, relaxing, not doing stuff around the house.

    This weekend is our one year anniversary, and instead of traveling (we have been gone sooooo much this summer for weddings and family trips) we are staying home and just having ‘us’ time. We cannot wait!

  12. Aww, yay! I’m so glad that you two had a wonderful 30 days together and are feeling happy & restored! And yes yes yes to continuing this into your future – I think it will be a fabulous example for future children as well 🙂

  13. I like your goals! We try to do date nights, but with kids it’s harder. Sometimes we do day dates if he can get lunch off, but it’s rare.

  14. I’m so board with the goals you have set for yourself as a couple! While many couples seem to spend lots of time together, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are spending time doing things together. I know this is true for my husband and I, too. Maybe we spend an hour in the morning together (but we are both doing our separate things on our computers), then on the days I help him out at the restaurant we are together, but we are working, and in the afternoon we are together for maybe an hour or so in the house, but usually my husband is napping, so I can totally understand the importance of the 30 days you did and the goals that you hope to achieve together throughout the years!

    I also think it’s a great point you bring up about prioritizing your significant other and your marriage in order to provide a wonderful life for your kids or future kids. I remember before Tomas and I got married and we were doing the pre-cana at church, there was a survey/book and one of the questions was “Is it more important to put your spouse first or your children?” (maybe it wasn’t those words EXACTLY, but something to that nature). Anyway, I remember answering with children, but now that we have been married for a few years, I see the importance of putting your spouse first in order to lay a stable and loving groundwork to build a family. It all makes so much sense now. Also you see so many couple putting their everything into their kids, forgetting to spend time with one another and then the kids go off to school or move out and the couple doesn’t even know each other anymore.
    So I think it’s great what your are doing, and not only is it beneficial for you and Christopher, it will be beneficial for your future family! Cheers to that!

    • Yes! That’s exactly how we are all the time. Always together, but busy doing something. Not true quality time together. So we are going to be much better about that now!

      And yes, I think it’s definitely important to prioritize your marriage. I’ve heard it said that the best way to love your children is to love their mother (or in the girls’ case, to love their father). To show them an example of a good marriage. To give them that stability that their parents love each other and care for each other. I think in our society it’s really easy to be child-centered and I’m sure that will be hard for us when we get to that stage, but I hope that we will continue to put each other first! 🙂

  15. This was great! Your new goals sounds awesome and totally doable.

  16. I’m so so glad you did this and you’ve inspired me to attempt something similar! Thanks!!

  17. I love this!! I’m so glad you guys had such a good and refreshing 30 days together! And I’m all about those goals. We’re usually pretty good about date nights, but we could probably stand to have more time during regular days where we prioritize just hanging out together. I like your 1hr a day goal! And I think it’s so sweet that your kids will see you prioritizing each other too. You are inspiring! 🙂

  18. What a great idea the 30 days was! I am sure it was so refreshing to your marriage!

  19. I could definitely take a page from your book–Justin and I have not been focused on having time for just the two of us, and since I’ve started my new job, things have been much busier. We are definitely looking forward to some of the holiday breaks coming up over the next couple of months to refresh and have time to be together and relax! You have some great goals here–I hope that you can continue to keep them even after your family begins to grow! 🙂

    • Girl, we only did it because we realized how easy it is for us to get burnt out because we’re always go-go-go all the time. Taking “us time” was awesome. I’m glad we did it and that we have better goals set out for ourselves now! 🙂 You and Justin should definitely take some time. It’s good for the soul and the marriage. 🙂

  20. Pingback: Europe 2016 (plus future plans) |

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