Category Archives: Funny

On being 7 months pregnant for the next 8 years…

First of all, on a serious note… I mentioned earlier this week that things seemed to be going really well for Christopher’s dad (who has early on-set dementia), but within hours of posting that, we got a phone call that left us shaking our heads in dismay. It seems as if there is just no settling into a routine right now. Please be in prayer for Christopher’s dad to be at peace and for us as we grapple with making the best decisions.

Okay, on a much less serious note, I have a funny story for you guys. ūüôā

So as it turns out I have terrible luck with driver’s license photos. Some of you may remember the disembodied head episode of 2012. If not, you can read about it and see a photo here. For the past five years I have whipped out my driver’s license every time the conversation turns to terrible DL photos. It’s like a party trick. And makes people laugh every single time.

Well, what I had forgotten over the years was that my license was only good for 5 years. And would expire on my 30th birthday. Which will be 5 days after Baby Vendetti is due to arrive. So when I got a notice in the mail at the beginning of May I laughed out loud. There I was: 7 months pregnant. Officially weighing more than I’ve ever weighed in my entire life. And needing to go update my license (photo included).

So here you have it… me at 7 months pregnant memorialized forever (okay, only the next 8 years) on my driver’s license.

DL

Honestly, it could have been much worse. It’s not a terrible photo and at least I was 7 months pregnant, not 9. But still, it’s kind of hilarious to me that I have such bad luck with driver’s license photos. Here’s to hoping I don’t get a super unfortunate haircut right before my next photo is due in 8 years! ūüėČ

Love Rach

When People Ask Us About Kids

us laughing

We’ve been married seven and a half years. And in those years we have been asked¬†often about kids. I know this bothers some people, but we tend to assume that people are well intentioned and just genuinely interested in our lives when they ask so it doesn’t bother either of us. However, just because it doesn’t bother us doesn’t mean that we’re going to share¬†personal things with every person who asks.

I actually learned this in our second year of marriage. An acquaintance¬†walked up to me and asked if I was pregnant. I stammered a response, “Um… no… why? Do I look pregnant? Did someone say I was?” Later that day I reflected back on the moment and realized what a weird situation it was. What if I¬†had¬†been pregnant, but not ready to tell people? That would put me in a situation where I would either have to lie to the person asking or be honest and tell this person before I even told my own family and friends. I’m not comfortable lying so I came up with a vague, non committal comment that I could make every time someone asks me about kids. I always say, “Oh, you never know…” in a sing-song voice. Because truly, unless we fill you in,¬†you¬†don’t know. ūüėČ Plus it sends the message of “this is kind of a personal question that I’m not going to answer” without having to say that outright.

My husband, while typically a very honest sort of person, has no problem making up random answers in response to questions about future kids. His responses are all over the place and tend to be pretty hilarious so I enjoy hearing what he comes up with each time someone new asks. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Christopher’s responses to the question “Are you guys going to have kids?”

“Definitely. At least six. All boys.”

“No way. Have you met our spoiled dog? Clearly we aren’t good parents.”

“Only if we can have twins. Can you request that? Is that a thing?”

“Sure! I’m hoping for an even dozen.”

“Oh man, I don’t know… we practice all the time, though…”

“Whenever we figure out how. Do you know how it works? Can you explain it to me?”

Oh that husband of mine, he makes me laugh.

So tell me, do you get asked this question? If so, what is your normal response?
Love Rach

 

A little comic relief for your Tuesday

I know I haven’t been blogging as much lately, but it’s just that time of year again for photography. I was busy with it this summer, but spring and fall are my super busy times. And currently I’m almost entirely booked up from now until Christmas. Which is awesome! And I love it! It just doesn’t leave quite as much time for blogging. But fear not, I’m still around. ūüôā And in fact, today, I have a story for you guys.

This past weekend Christopher went camping with the guys from church so all of us girls were sitting together during service. Just before a prayer began, I accidentally spilt a little bit of coffee on the screen of my phone.

shocked{source}

I quickly asked my friends of they had any tissues or napkins, but none of them did… and then the prayer began. And I’m trying to figure out how to get this standing liquid off my phone screen before it tilts one direction or the other and gets somewhere that liquid shouldn’t be. So I start searching through my purse as quietly as I can for¬†anything¬†that I might be able to use to absorb the liquid. Where is¬†Mary Poppin’s magical bag of everything when you need it? {note to self: put a pack of tissues in your purse!}

mary poppins magical bag{source}

And then I came across a couple of tampons and a pad at the bottom of my bag. And I thought to myself, “Well…¬†those¬†are¬†absorbent.” Yup. That’s where this story is going. So I, as quietly as I could, opened the pad and used it to dab the liquid off my phone. You guys, it worked perfectly and instantly. But wouldn’t you know, Julia (my friend sitting next to me), saw the whole thing and could hardly contain her laughter. Which then of course made me start to laugh. But you guys, it was during a¬†prayer! We managed to hold it together until the prayer ended, but oh my gracious, there was a lot of silent laughter.

silent laughter gif{source}

Thankfully there was no one giving us the “are you serious?” side eye. I think we kept our silent laughter pretty silent. In fact my friend sitting on the other side of me missed the whole thing so we filled her in over lunch. And as we talked about it I remembered a scene from one of my favorite movies. She’s the Man, anyone?

In case you haven’t seen the movie before, that’s a girl pretending to be her twin brother so she can play soccer. Also, if you haven’t seen the movie – you should. It’s hilarious. And of course the first 20 seconds of this next clip taken from later in the movie are gold:

So there you have it! Tampons and pads are excellent at absorbing stuff. From nosebleeds to saving my smartphone from a coffee spill. ūüėČ

Any embarrassing stories about times when you had a mini crisis during a time when everyone was supposed to be quiet (during a prayer, in a movie, at a play, etc)?

Love Rach

An awkward moment as told by the cast of Friends

I’ve mentioned to you guys that I go to a sketch gym, but in general it’s a safe place where I’m not harassed much. I mean, who wants to harass the “Jesus girl” she’ll just talk your ear off about grace. ūüėČ Anyway,¬†yesterday at the gym I was minding my own business reading my book while walking at a nice slow 3.5 pace on the treadmill.¬†A¬†very fit looking 20-something-year-old guy approached me and waited for me to take my earbud out. When I did he said, “I’m interested in your services.”

shocked chandler gif
{source}

I’m like: smiling at the stranger, oh hello person, yes let’s chat… EXCUSE ME?! You are interested in my what now?!

I took a quick inventory of my messy hair, oversized teeshirt, and athletic shorts and thought to myself “What message am I sending here?!” I had no idea how to respond to him. So I just stared instead. Because that’s what normal people do.

Staring Phoebe
{source}

After my awkward silence he finally follows up with, “your photography services.”

ross gets it{source}

Inwardly I’m thinking: ‘OOOOOOH! I get it now. I’m cool, I’m cool. This just got way less awkward.’ Realizing that I should probably speak since I haven’t said anything besides “hello” to this guy, I finally begin talking with him about photography packages I offer. When he finally walked away I laughed to myself a little about how this whole scenario could have been way more awkward.

rachel green{source}

Then it hits me. This guy knows about me because my gym buddies are passing on my name as a photographer. And this naturally calls for a happy dance.

monica happy dance{source}

Which I did inwardly. Because I’m not coordinated enough to do a happy dance while walking on a treadmill.

In case you haven’t noticed a theme with the GIFs here… I’ve been watching a lot of Friends lately. As in, I began with season 1, episode 1 a couple of months ago and I’m in season 7 now. I relate to Monica (with her organization obsessions) probably a little more than I’d like to admit. But a favorite GIF of mine that I came across when writing this post was this little treasure from Joey that I totally relate to:

joey doesn't share food{source}

I’m a kind and caring person. I share well with others. Unless it’s the food that’s on my plate. That stuff is¬†mine. I’ve gotten much, much better about sharing my food since I met Christopher (he’s the first one to offer anyone a bite of his food at a restaurant because he knows people like to try different things). But still, it’s something I have to consciously think about. It’s entirely possible that there’s a story of me backhanding a guy (across his chest, not face) who tried to steal my slice of pizza once several years ago. I’m not a violent person. Really. Reflexes man. Don’t get between me and my food. Joey understands. ūüėČ

Okay, I’ve gotten way off track here. Awkward moment at the gym averted and new business for this girl. Win all around. ūüôā

Have you had an almost awkward moment like this lately? Or just a straight up awkward one?
Love Rach

One of the weirdest things to bond over…

PSA: I doubt many men read this blog, but as fair warning, this post might make some men uncomfortable. And maybe even some women who don’t love TMI. Consider yourselves warned.

A¬†couple of weeks ago I was sitting at dinner with three other ladies. A newly wed, a college student, and a recent high school graduate. All four of us are in different stages of life and yet conversation flowed freely as we shared different experiences and stories. Near the end of the evening we each started sharing¬†the stories of the day we experienced our first¬†ever menstrual cycle. I have no idea how this got brought up, but somehow it did. The stories range from pretty straight forward (“I knew what was happening so I told my mom and she gave me a pad”) to traumatizing¬†(“I had no idea what was happening so I thought I was dying”) to absolutely hysterical (“My dad told me I was a woman now and paraded me around in front of people and said¬†we would celebrate with a big dinner”).

It struck me half way through the story telling, how common this is. I know so many of my friends’ stories about the day they discovered that their first cycle had begun. I’m not sure why it gets brought up, but so often it does. And when I think about the big¬†things that have happened in my life, it’s incredible to think about how many other people understand this particular¬†experience. And I love that everyone has a story. Even if it’s pretty basic. We all remember that day. We remember how we felt about it and who we told first (and in some cases how long it took us to tell anyone at all).

And since my story isn’t terribly graphic and I find it pretty hilarious, I’m going to share:

scan0015

It was my 12th birthday party. I had a slumber party with my friends and we were all sitting together watching a movie. I needed to go to the restroom about halfway through and when I did, I made the big discovery. I have two older sisters so I knew what was going on. I calmly went to go find my mom. I found my dad instead. Knowing that he isn’t exactly the talk-about-girly-stuff sort of person I asked, “Where’s mom?”

“She had a headache. She’s in bed already. What do you need?”

“Well, I really need to talk to mom…”

My dad got a little exasperated at this point because talking back¬†is frowned on in our family, “Daughter, just tell me what is going on.”

I shrugged and said, “Okay, well um… I think my period started…”

You guys, I have never seen my dad move so fast. He leapt¬†out of his chair and ran for the bedroom. He burst through the door and said, “PAM! Your daughter needs to speak to you!”

To this day, it still makes me laugh when I think about it. My poor dad.¬†If it doesn’t strike you as very funny, it must be one of those things where you have to know my dad. But trust me, it was hilarious. ūüėČ

family shot

Our family in 1999 about 6 months after my big moment. I’m the sulky looking pre-teen with massive hair in the back right. And that’s my dad in the front. Just picture him flying out of his chair running for my mom. Ah, yes, good times. ūüôā

So normally in a post¬†like this, I’d ask what your stories were, but that might be a wee bit personal for leaving in blog comments. But if you have a story you want to share, feel free to share in the comments or shoot me an email. ūüôā

Love Rach

That one time I aged 20 years in 2 days…

This past Monday I went to get my hair trimmed. My stylist’s first question was “So are you out of school for the summer yet?” I laughed in response. Then I told her that I actually graduated high school 11 years ago. She told me I was lucky for having such a baby face and I didn’t disagree with her. ūüôā

little RachMe when I¬†really¬†had a baby face, haha! I was a cutie. ūüėČ

Ever since I was 13 years old people have guessed my age to be around 16-17. I think some of that was that I was a bit more mature for my age because of the things I saw and experienced living overseas¬†(we spent the school years living in China, only returning to the States for 6-8 weeks in the summers). And I think a lot of it was that I was always so tall. I liked that people thought I was 17 when I was so young, but it was in the back of my mind that someday I might look 40 when I’m 20.

abs, rae, hollyTwo of my sisters and me in December of 2000. Abby (on the left) was 11, I was 13, and Holly (on the right) was 19. I was already 5’6 or 5’7 by this point so you can see why people guessed I might be closer to 16 or 17.

Well thankfully that didn’t happen. Instead I hit age 17, 18, 19, 20… and continued to look 17. These days people typically guess my age to be between 17-22. I still get asked pretty frequently what grade I’m in or what I am majoring in. If I’m with Christopher during the winter when he has his beard, people guess his age to be 30s and mine to be late 20s. And those are pretty accurate guesses (he’ll be 30 in December and I’ll be 28 in July). But most of the time people guess my age way low.

Until Wednesday night.

Every Wednesday night we go to church with the teens we mentor and then go out to dinner with them afterward. We got to meet the new college student who is interning with the teens this summer. He’s a college student named Easton (we already knew the girl intern). Poor Easton made the mistake of asking Christopher if we were Kelsi’s parents. Kelsi just graduated high school and is turning 18 in July.

us with kelsiUs with Kelsi at her high school graduation last week

You guys, this college student¬†thought that I was old enough to have BIRTHED a high school graduate. Christopher and I both died laughing (and so did Kelsi when I called and told her). We love Kelsi and would be honored to have a daughter like her, but honestly we think of her more as a sister. She’s only 10 years younger than me.

So somehow, between Monday and Wednesday I managed to go from looking like a high school student to a lady old enough to have given birth to a high school student. I’m definitely not wearing¬†that¬†outfit again! ūüėČ

Have you ever had someone guess your age and be¬†way¬†off? I’ve had little kids guess my age anywhere from 12 to 100 because, well, they are little kids and don’t quite grasp the concept of age, haha! But this was definitely a first for me coming from a college student!

Love Rach

Donkey Basketball

For those who don’t know… there is such a thing as donkey basketball.

donkey basketballAnd that’s our friend, Jacob, playing it.

Yeah, so, apparently there’s this “sport” called donkey basketball that involves actual real-live donkeys on a basketball court. And the city of Brighton just outside Memphis celebrated it’s founder’s day this past weekend with a friendly donkey basketball tournament. A friend of ours, Jacob, teaches for the middle school there so he found himself roped into it. And it was awesome. You can’t understand donkey basketball just from the photos so here are some videos I took to help you understand:

 Naturally you still start with the national anthem as you do with most sports in the States. However at a donkey basketball game, instead of a marching band, there are kids riding donkeys. Naturally.

¬†And of course there is half time entertainment. Like a friendly game of “musical donkeys”… (the guy in white totally should’ve won that!)

¬†And there’s the game for you. It’s hilarious because basketball is such a fast paced sport normally, but there were no “fast breaks” down the court because you had to take your donkey with you and most of the time he didn’t want to go. ūüėČ (the very end of that video cracks me up when the donkey takes off running the wrong direction¬†after his rider hopped on)

I was a little concerned about the donkeys being injured (I know, I know… I am¬†so¬†that person), but they had several people out there “reffing” the game who were really just making sure the donkeys were okay. For the most part, the donkeys took care of themselves just fine. If they decided that they were done with you being on them, they’d buck you right off. Thankfully no one was injured (other than maybe some pride, haha)!¬†I have to tell you guys, we laughed so hard. Everything about it just looked ridiculous and it was just hilarious.

So tell me… would you play donkey basketball?
Love Rach